This is another activity that I tried with my co-op philosophy class with kids ages 6-10. (We also asked What Does it Mean to Be Free? and Why Do We Need Rules?)
This activity starts with a reading of the book Elmer by David McKee and then moves onto an exploration of flexible thinking using some common household objects. By the end, learners will have discussed how we decide when to compromise and when to stick up for what we want and why it’s important to be able to distinguish between the two.
[tabby title=”Overview”]
The goal of this activity is to demonstrate the importance of flexible thinking, especially when it comes to interacting productively with our friends. Friendship requires compromise, but if we have to compromise too much, is it really friendship? And what if our friends are asking us to do something that we know is wrong? How do we decide when to stand up for ourselves and when to bend?
It uses the book Elmer, which is a story about a patchwork-quilt, mulitcolored elephant who lives with a herd of regular, gray-colored elephants. He feels like they are always laughing at him, so he wanders off and finds berries to paint himself gray. When he comes back to the crowd, they don’t recognize him, and he notices how serious everyone is. At first he tries to blend in, but he can’t handle the seriousness anymore, so he shouts “BOO!” Everyone laughs and laughs and decides to celebrate this day as Elmer’s Day. They all paint themselves in elaborate colors and designs and have a parade, and Elmer paints himself gray, but only on this day.
[tabby title=”Materials”]
- A copy of the book Elmer by David McKee (I got mine from the library)
- Discussion questions (suggestions available below)
- Uncooked spaghetti
- Cooked spaghetti
- Pipe cleaners
I suggest cooking the spaghetti just a little before the activity so that it isn’t dried out but has time to cool.
[tabby title=”Instructions”]
- At the beginning of the lesson, ask if anyone knows what the word “compromise” means. If yes, discuss their definitions. If no, define it (“it means that when there is an argument about how we should do something, everyone gives up a little of what they want so that we can come to an agreement”) and offer some examples.
- Read the book.
- Discuss the book. Here are some questions you could use:
- Why did Elmer feel like he had to fit in with the group?
- Why were the elephants so serious when Elmer was gone?
- Why did the elephants decide to throw a parade to celebrate Elmer?
- Have you ever felt like you didn’t fit in?
- What do you do when your friends are different from you?
- Transition into the activity. Hand out the uncooked spaghetti noodles and ask students to examine it and explain what they notice. Ask them what happens if they try to bend it.
- Hand out the cooked spaghetti noodles and ask the same questions.
- Hand out the pipe cleaners and ask the same questions.
- Explain that our brains are like these three objects. We can be too rigid (might have to define that term), too “floppy,” or flexible (define flexible).
- Once you’ve spent a little time talking about the different ways of thinking, move on to reading some scenarios and ask which kind of thinking the characters in them are using.
Here are some possible scenarios to use, but you can adapt them to whatever situations you want to explore. The best scenarios are ones where you can change the ending to discuss different possible approaches.
- Susie and Jan are friends, and they are playing together at the playground. Susie wants to swing on the swings, and Jan wants to go play in the sandbox. Jan suggests that they swing for ten minutes and then go play in the sandbox for ten minutes. Susie says that she doesn’t want to play in the sandbox at all and that Jan can either swing with her or she isn’t going to play with her at all.
- Okay, let’s see what happens if we change the ending a little bit. Susie wants to swing on the swings, and she tells Jan that, but Jan says that she doesn’t want to swing and wants to play in the sandbox instead. Susie is sad, but she follows Jan to the sandbox and spends the rest of the time at the park there.
- Okay, one more time. When Jan suggests that they swing for ten minutes and then play in the sandbox for ten minutes, Susie says okay. They end up swinging a little longer than ten minutes because they’re having so much fun, but then they go together and spend the rest of the time in the sandbox.
- Okay, now they’re going to get a little harder. Billy and Tim are at a candy store, and Billy sees Tim reach over and put some of the candy in his pocket. “Take some, too,” Tim says. Billy doesn’t want to, but Tim hands him a couple of suckers, and Billy sticks them in his pocket really fast. He feels sick to his stomach all the way home because he knows he did something wrong. At the end of the night, he throws the suckers in the trash can, but he doesn’t tell anyone about what happened.
- Let’s see a different way it could have gone. Tim hands Billy the suckers, but Billy says, “No. I’m not going to do that, and you shouldn’t either.” Tim gets mad and storms out of the store with the candy still in his pocket. Billy walks home by himself. (This one allows you to discuss how doing the right thing can still have a frustrating outcome.)
- Okay, here’s a really hard one. I don’t even know how I would answer this one myself. Jenny and Steve are friends, and Jenny and Sara are friends, but Steve and Sara don’t like each other very much. Jenny is having a birthday party, and she wants to invite both Steve and Sara, but when she tells Sara about the party Sara said that she won’t come if Steve is invited, so Jenny decides not to tell Steve about the party at all.
- What if Jenny tells Sara that she is going to invite Steve because he’s her friend. Jenny tells Steve, and he decides to go even if Sara comes, but Sara decides to stay home because she is mad at Jenny for inviting Steve.
- What if Jenny tells Sara that she is going to invite Steve because he’s her friend, so Sara gets mad and decides she’s not going to come. Then, when Jenny tells Steve about it, he says that he’s sorry, but he’ll be out of town that day, and now neither of her best friends are coming to her party. (This one allows you to discuss if it’s the outcome that matters or the intention of your actions.)
We have to decide what are things we are willing to compromise about and what are things that we won’t compromise on, even if it makes someone else upset. The goal is to be like the pipe cleaner. We bend when we need to, but we also stand tall when we need to. Both can be hard to do. There can be times when we really want to get our way but compromising would be the better thing to do. There can be times when we really don’t want to stand up to someone because it is scary, but we have to make sure that we stand for what we believe is right. When we learn how to do both—bend sometimes and stand up other times—we have the flexibility to make good choices and be a good friend.
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